Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
