I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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