i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I FOUND THE LEGS
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
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