Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I would fuck him just for his dog
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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