we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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