Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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