My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
