i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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