i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
There's always time for handjobs
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
