you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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