Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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