My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
