his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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