Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I think I sprained my soul last night
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
so much tequila, so little girl.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
