She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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