Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I will die if light touches me.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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