I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
