Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
