Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
