so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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