Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
