no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Church boner. Awkwardddd
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
