shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
