It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
the liver wants what the liver wants
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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