Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
