I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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