I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
