this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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