Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
