Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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