I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
