im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
