Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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