It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
this will be a night to untag.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
