I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
