I love black thongs
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
