I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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