Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
