He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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