Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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