Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
