the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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