I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
