I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Ladies don't puke and tell
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
