I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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