I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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