Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
