What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
