So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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