If that was your dad, he is hot
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
