About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
